


You're Just a Prisoner (And You're Trying to Break Free)

by backtoblack101



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Sexism, Romance, again it's more mentions of drug abuse, as per usual Owen helps them figure it out, but best to mention it right off the bat, gay Dani not realising she's gay, gay Jamie not realising Dani is gay for her, honestly theres only a tiny amount of angst, it's actually barely even there at all but i figured i'd tag it anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27868494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backtoblack101/pseuds/backtoblack101
Summary: “Four months,” Dani hums, staring idly at the wisps of smoke dancing up from her cigarette.“Four months,” Jamie agrees, pushing a fresh pint across the table towards her. “Share?”Dani passes her across the cigarette, smiling softly at her in the dim light of the bar. “I can’t believe,” she begins then, watching Jamie take a slow drag, “it’s been four whole months since graduation.”ORA single weekend, a few months after graduation, has Dani realising (with a lot of help from her friends) that maybe the life she'd spent the past four years building for herself wasn't the life she wanted at all.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie, Hannah Grose/Owen Sharma
Comments: 14
Kudos: 231





	You're Just a Prisoner (And You're Trying to Break Free)

**Author's Note:**

> This was intended to be a St. Elmo's Fire AU of sorts. Or at least loosely based on that movie. Though the more I wrote the more I realised that the only reason I wanted it to be based on that movie was because I came up with the idea for this story while half watching the film (I also didn't like the film, which is maybe another reason this strayed so much from the plot).
> 
> So really I don't know why I told you that, because to be honest you really need to squint to see how this in any way relates to that film at all.
> 
> This is set in an AU - they're all college friends. There's no Peter F*cking Quint but I did throw in a used-to-be-lovable-but-is-now-an-ass Eddie for balance.
> 
> There are mentions of drug abuse/addiction in this story (one of the few things I took from the movie) so if that's not your bag please don't read this. I've also never seen someone going through an overdose (thank god) so any scenes relating to that are guess work.
> 
> Also all mistakes/typos are mine. I proof read this like 4 times but fuck knows I probably missed something.

“Four months,” Dani hums, staring idly at the wisps of smoke dancing up from her cigarette.

“Four months,” Jamie agrees, pushing a fresh pint across the table towards her. “Share?”

Dani passes her across the cigarette, smiling softly at her in the dim light of the bar. “I can’t believe,” she begins then, watching Jamie take a slow drag, “it’s been four whole months since graduation.”

“Best start believing it.” Jamie grins at her, exhaling slowly through her nose. “Might forget you’ve got that fancy job in that fancy school to start on Monday otherwise.”

Dani snorts. “Hardly fancy, hardly a job.”

Jamie rolls her tongue across her top teeth, thoughtful for a moment, then “fine, an alright school where you’re starting a temporary position in the hopes of making it more permanent.” She takes another drag, watching Dani study her for a moment.

“Much more accurate.” She beckons for Jamie to pass her back the cigarette. “You on the other hand--”

“Me?” Jamie’s eyebrow shoots up.

“Don’t start,” Dani warns. “A job in your field is a job in your field even if it’s your uncle’s company.”

Jamie shrugs. “Just wish it sounded slightly less like nepotism.”

Dani smiles at her, softer this time, almost as if she’s known Jamie too long to think that’s all that’s bothering the brunette (she has). “You’re talented Jay, real fucking talented. Not your fault your uncle’s the only guy in the area with a landscape company that was hiring.”

Jamie smiles, almost shy, almost as if even after all these years of knowing Dani the blonde still has a way of throwing her off with her sincerity (she does). “Yea well,” she huffs, takes a quick swig of her beer. “I did bring that succulent of yours back from death's door.”

Dani grimaces. “I still don’t know how I did that to a succulent.” Then, almost accusing, “you said they were easy.”

“They are!” Another sip of her pint, almost as if she’s toying over what to say next. “Guess I forgot the first cardinal rule of Dani Clayton.”

“Oh?” Dani quirks her brow, daring Jamie to go on. 

“Mhm,” Jamie hums, index finger making a slow rotation of the rim of her pint glass. “First cardinal rule, with you…” her eyes flicker up, darker than they were a moment before, and Dani feels something clench lightly in her chest. “Well it’s just that--”

“Here they are!”

The doors of The Manor Bar swing open and all of a sudden the bar, so quiet just the moment before as their conversation hung delicately in the air, seems to come back to life. The chatter from tables around them and the soft music from the jukebox, and the heckling at the bar for another drink all flood back. 

And Owen and Rebecca are dusting rain droplets off their jackets and Eddie - well, Eddie’s already taking his seat, his arm already finding its way to Dani’s shoulder, not really noticing that it almost causes her pint to skitter across the table when he pulls her flush to his side.

“Been looking everywhere for you two,” he’s saying, his free hand already outstretched to grab a waiter's attention.

“And you didn’t think to check the one place we’ve all been coming to on a Friday night for the past, oh… four years?” Dani asks, her tone a little sarcastic and a little something else - something maybe no one took any notice of.

“Cheeky,” he laughs, and pulls her impossibly closer, this time causing her pint to slosh about in her hand and a little to tip into her lap.

“Here…” Jamie reaches across the table, a scruffy bunch of napkins already in hand.

Dani smiles at her, not soft like before, almost guilty, though maybe they’re one too many pints into their evening for anyone to notice. “Thanks.” She grabs the napkins and dabs at her skirt and Jamie watches, letting conversation go on around them. 

Owen and Rebecca take their seats and all five of them begin to unpack their week.

\----------

“I’m tellin’ ya mate, there’s something up,” Jamie pushes - she always has to push this topic.

“And I’m telling you, you’re probably overthinking,” Owen returns, throwing his scarf haphazardly on the hook in their hall and shutting their apartment door behind him. 

Jamie toys with the zip on her jacket, mulling over his words for just a moment. “Nah,” she decides finally. “Nah, ever since she broke it off with Peter there’s something… just something not right.”

Owen shrugs, and maybe he really doesn’t see it, or maybe he’s had one too many pints and doesn’t really want to partake in one of the all nighters Jamie enjoyed partaking in where they dissected everything they’d just sat through in the bar.

“She just started a new job Jamie, she’s probably stressed.” Owen shuffles to the kitchen and begins filling glasses of water for them to take to bed.

“Maybe Dani’ll know more,” Jamie muses, still not ready to be done. “Her and Becca have lived together for years.”

“Ah,” Owen stops what he’s doing by the sink and turns, “that’s what this is then?”

“What what is?” and Jamie’s daring him now, really daring him to say what he says next.

“You know she’s moving in with him love?” And he’s not trying to be condescending, or belittling.

Jamie almost wishes he was doing both those things to her. Being angry at him would be a hell of a lot easier than basking in the pity he’s offering her instead.

“Well aware.” She’s knows she sounds tense because she feels tense too, right down to her toes and up to her eyeballs every inch of her feels like it’s clenching. “Helped her move her stuff, didn’t I.”

“You did,” Owen agrees, not moving from where he’s leaned back against the kitchen sink. “Even though it broke your heart.”

“Don’t start mate.” Not in the mood. Jamie is not in the mood.

“Can’t help it,” Owen just shrugs. “Fucking sucks seeing my best friend letting herself get sucker punched in the chest over and over again.”

And Jamie feels her eyeballs getting scratchy now, and something rising in her throat and she knows what’s coming. “Yea well,” she huffs, instead of admitting that she’d get sucker punched a thousand times a day if it meant hanging out with Dani. “I’m just thinking of Becca, aren’t I?”

“Mhm…” Owen hums, taking it as his cue that this is yet another failed attempt at this particular conversation. “Rebecca is incredibly lucky to have you in her life you know?” He adds finally.

Thankfully he’s smart enough, and kind enough, to turn back to the sink before the first tear falls.

\---------

“Eddie no,” Dani hisses, skipping to the side to avoid her boyfriend’s wandering hands.

“Danielle…” He whines softly, one more attempt for good measure, one more grab at Dani’s waist as a hail mary to how he wants their evening to go.

“We’ve been drinking,” Dani reminds him.

“Oh, that’s a new excuse.” His voice is a little clipped, though he steps away and so in spite of that Dani relaxes.

“You know I’m not ready,” Is all Dani offers him - how many other ways could they have this conversation after all (she’s willing to find out).

Eddie huffs, part frustration and part realisation that he was being an ass. “I know, I know.” He runs a hand through the mop of hair on his head then steps away, towards the kitchen. “Maybe if you’d marry me then at least that’d be some reassurance that someday you would be ready, y’know?”

“M-marry?” Dani thinks it’s probably not the alcohol that’s just started causing her head to spin.

Eddie shrugs, reaches for the scotch they have sitting on the counter. “You must know I want to marry you Danielle?”

“We just- we just moved in together?” Dani wrings her fingers together and looks anywhere but directly at him.

Eddie shrugs again. “It’s the next logical step then, isn’t it?”

Dani’s aware that her forced laugh is a little more shrill than she’d intended. “You’ve been spending too much time with our mothers.”

“Or maybe you’ve not been spending enough time with them,” Eddie counters with a friendly smile that does nothing to cool Dani’s nerves back to a gentle simmer. 

Diversion. When in doubt Dani had learned diversion was always worth a shot.

“You were quiet at drinks,” she points, eying him carefully. “And you didn’t really say much when Becca asked about your job in the senator's office.”

“Well,” and Eddie’s smiling again, though this smile is cocky, this smile is not a smile Dani likes on him, though one he’s been wearing more and more since they’d graduated. “Between me and you I got offered a new job.”

“Oh?” Dani has wondered where he got the idea to get such a swanky apartment.

“For a congressman,” Eddie boasts, his chest puffed out, and Dani’s almost amused at how little she recognises of him. “McCarthy.”

“Mc-McCarthy?” Dani feels almost as if she’s had the air sucked from her lungs. “Eddie, he’s a republican?”

Eddie just nods. “A republican who pays better.”

“Pays better… Eddie you were chair of the young democrats in college, you were a campaign volunteer in two--”

Eddie waves her to silence, clearly not seeing the issue or the point she was trying to make. “Danielle, we’ve a wedding to plan, I can always reassess my moral standing once we’re married. Although,” he quirks his brow. “I guess we’ll have the kids to think of then.”

Dani wants to scream. Wants to tell him he’s an idiot and a sell-out. Wants to tell him most of all that she won’t marry either of those things, or the man standing in front of her with a cocky grin still plastered across his face, looking at her as if he’s just told her they won the lottery.

“I’m going to bed,” is all she manages instead. “We can talk in the morning.”

Dani falls asleep wondering what the morning would look like if it wasn’t Eddie she woke up next to.

\--------

“So he’s a republican now?” Jamie taps her unlit cigarette against the table, watching the comings and goings of the other coffee shop patrons as she mulls over the story she’s just been told. “Well shit.”

“What a succinct way of summing it up,” Dani snorts, stirring another sugar into her milky coffee (too milky if you asked Jamie, though Dani knew better than to ask by now).

“What’re you gonna do?”

Dani shrugs. “We just signed a year's lease, can’t exactly sneak out in the middle of the night and leave him with the bills.”

“You’re not married yet Poppins,” Jamie points, taking her cigarette to her lips to light.

“Not if Eddie has his way,” Dani hums, not really thinking of the ramifications of the sentence until she’s caught off guard by Jamie spluttering through a mouthful of smoke.

“Excuse me?” Jamie wheezes, cigarette dangling loosely and face entirely drained of colour.

Dani chews on her bottom lip, something deep in her gut begging her to lie and tell Jamie the comment meant nothing, that marriage and kids wasn’t where Dani’s life was heading, at least not with Eddie. At least not right now as her life currently stood.

Dani couldn’t lie though, not to save her life, and certainly not to Jamie. “He brought it up last night,” Dani confesses. “Though I’ve known for a while that’s what he was thinking. Just thought I had more time before he finally let slip.”

“Blimey…” Jamie stares ruefully into the ashtray, watching the ash fall off her cigarette.

The silence just hangs then. Jamie can’t change the sentence that’s just come from Dani’s mouth and Dani can’t take it back. They both know that, and neither one of them is brave enough (or dumb enough) to admit it to the other.

“You said on the phone you wanted to talk about Becca?” Dani ventures finally, once the silence feels like it’s sunken far enough into the pit of her stomach for her to mull over this conversation for days if not weeks.

“Oh yeah, yeah.” Jamie pulls herself from her thoughts - from her wondering if the notion of Dani walking down the aisle to Eddie would finally be the straw that broke her back, if finally Owen would have to stop worrying about all those punches she was taking. “She seem good to you?”

Dani takes a sip of her coffee, mulls it over. “I mean, she’s stressed,” she answers finally. “She’s just started at the Wingrave law firm, and I don’t think she processed her breakup with Peter before she threw herself into that so yea…” Dani shrugs. “I guess she’s stressed.”

Jamie hums in consideration. “You think that’s all?”

“You don’t?” Dani counters, the corners of her lips twitching up as she watches the little lines that come across Jamie’s forehead as the cogs in her brain churn.

Jamie shakes her head finally, looks back up at Dani. “I’m just worried. Can’t put my finger on why, but I’m just worried about her.”

Dani puts down her coffee cup and reaches across the table to take one of Jamie’s hands in her own. “I know you worry Jay,” she offers, running her thumb across the back of Jamie’s knuckles. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”

Jamie looks down at Dani’s hand over her own and realises then that she could watch Dani walk down the aisle to Eddie every day for the rest of her life and still not walk away.

\------------

“Jamie!” Owen barges into the apartment, greeted with Jamie and Dani’s inquisitive stares over the back of the livingroom couch. “Oh, you’re here,” he half greets, too distracted by his own thing to really notice Dani’s presence.

“Lovely to see you too Owen,” Dani huffs, though she’s not annoyed, she knows too well what Owen’s like when he gets into this mood.

“Hush, let the man speak.” Jamie swats at Dani’s arm in mock-scolding and her fingers linger just a second too long.

Dani wonders for how much longer she can pretend that a second of Jamie’s fingers grazing her arm doing more to her than Eddie kissing her doesn’t mean what she thinks it means. She wonders if they’d been born in a different time if she wouldn’t have taken the chance and found out already.

“Guys, I’m in love!” Owen professes, throwing his jacket haphazardly to the floor - they’re almost sure he meant for it to reach the coat hook.

“Oh, who’re we pining after this week then?” Jamie teases, fingers leaving Dani’s arm now that she’s fully invested in Owen’s soon to be misery.

Owen just shakes his head. “This is different. She-” he pauses dramatically, “Is different.”

“Sweet suffering christ,” Jamie mutters ruefully so only Dani can hear.

Dani just laughs, trying her hardest to mask it with a cough. “Tell us about her Owen,” Dani offers then, god knows one of them had to try being supportive.

“You remember Hannah? Hannah Grose?” Owen prompts once he’s met with blank stares. “She was a senior when we were freshmen, studied hotel management I think?”

“You think?” Jamie scoffs, now caught up on who was this week's object of Owens puppydog like affections. “You signed up to every elective that vaguely related to both hotel management and culinary arts in the hopes that you’d see her in lectures.”

“Oh my god, that Hannah.” Dani’s eyes go wide with realisation. “Oh, Owen you were so adorable when you were crushing on her.”

“Insufferable,” Jamie corrects. “He was insufferable for that full year until she graduated.”

“You’re such a Grinch,” Dani teases, poking Jamie in the side until she squeaks. 

“Hey, hey, quit it,” Jamie grabs her hands and holds them firm, eying Dani up and daring her to retaliate. 

“Truce?” Dani offers, allowing her arms to go slack in Jamie’s grasp.

“You sure Poppins?”

Dani weaves her hands around until they’re holding Jamie’s, she squeezes once. “For now,” she offers, a smile threatening to break her steely facade. “‘I’ll just get you when you least expect it instead.”

Jamie grins, ready to offer comment on Dani’s threat when Owen decides it’s high time he remind them both he’s still in the room.

“As I was saying,” he interjects loudly, and he’s not sure if they both miss his knowing look or if they both choose to ignore it (it’s the latter). “I ran into Hannah earlier today.”

“Oh?” It’s Dani that recovers first from being caught out, though she makes no move to drop Jamie’s hands. “Where?”

“Came into the bakery,” Owen explains. “She remembered me from school and we got chatting.”

“Sure your boss loved that,” Jamie scoffs, barely able to offer much more now that her and Dani’s clasped fingers have settled in her lap.

Owen waves her off. “He’ll get over it. Anyway, we got to chatting and she’s been out of town for a few years, but with Bly Manor opening as a guest house, she’s been asked to come back to work as assistant manager.”

“Oh cool!” Dani offers. “She always did seem like the type that would just excel at anything she set her mind to.”

“Yeah, she’s real smart,” Owen agrees, allowing himself to get lost in the thought of her for a moment until Jamie clears her throat. “Anyway, she said I should come up on Monday, interview for a sous chef position, if y’know what I mean.” He waggles his eyebrows, although it didn't get the anticipated response.

“Oh romantic, she wants to offer you a job working in a kitchen because she knows you’re a trained chef,” Jamie offers. “We better get ourselves kitted out for the wedding.”

Dani snorts. “We better be groomsmen,” she warns.

“You’ll both be lucky to make it into the church if you don’t start being nicer,” Owen huffs.

Jamie rolls her eyes. “We’ll be nice about your crush when you start acting on it instead of tip-toeing around it in favour of sous chef jobs.”

Owen quirks his brow and looks between the two. Dani’s hands snake away from Jamie’s and Jamie shifts away from her just a fraction of an inch. It goes unspoken between the three of them that Owen isn’t the real problem when it comes to pining.

\--------

“Shots, shots, shots, shots!” Rebecca chants, dancing down to their table.

“Water, water, water, water,” Owen chants back teasingly, although he looks between Jamie, Dani and Eddie in a silent plea for help.

“Hey Becca,” Dani calls over the low din from the bar around them and her friends' continuous chanting. “I think Owen’s right, maybe we do a water this round?”

“Yeah,” Jamie leans into the group, not quite sure when she leaned away in the first place, although she’s almost sure it had something to do with Eddie coming in. “How about we all get a pint of water and then we can drink shots until our hearts are content after that?”

Dani smiles at her. “How about me and Jamie go get--”

“Danielle,” Eddie cuts in on the end of her sentence - he’s not been paying attention to any of them since he’d sat down, least of all Dani. “Come with me a sec.”

“Eddie I’m right in the middle of something.” Dani gestures around the table.

Owen and Jamie share a look, a look that says _fuck this guy._ Rebecca continues to dance beside the table, shots long forgotten now that a song she likes has come on the jukebox.

“Yea but Danielle those guys that just came in-” Eddie points over towards the door. “They’re big potential donors. If we just go say hello and if I could just get them on the congressman's re-election campaign then I’ll be promoted before I’m even done my first week.”

“I’m not helping you fund a republican campaign.” Dani shoots him an incredulous look. 

Eddie isn’t listening though, Eddie’s already pulling Dani to her feet and waving down the men at the door like they’re old friends. “Five minutes Danielle,” is all he says to her, barely even looking back and then he’s dragging her across the room.

Owen’s still staring at Jamie. “Don’t say it,” Jamie sighs, she really doesn’t feel like this right now.

“Wasn’t going to say a thing.” Owen holds his hands up in surrender.

“Good,” Jamie huffs. “Best to save your energy anyway, you’ll need it for carrying her home in about twenty minutes.” She tilts her head at Rebecca.

“You know I’m starting to see where you were coming from yesterday,” Owen offers, shooting their friend a worried look.

Jamie watches Owen watching Rebecca, then lets her eyes drift to Dani and Eddie on the other end of the room. Dani looks ready to crawl out of her skin. Jamie wants to stand, wants to go over there and whisk Dani away. Instead though Dani meets her eye, offers her a tight lipped shrug and a roll of her eyes and Jamie knows that as much as she wants to, as much as Dani maybe even wants her to, they’re both aware it isn’t her place.

\--------

“Oh god my fucking head,” Rebecca whines, clutching an ice pack to her temple in some delusional hope that it’d ease the throbbing behind her eyes.

“You went pretty hard last night Becca,” Dani offers, not quite sympathy, though not quite what she wants to say to her either. “I’m surprised you didn’t need your stomach pumped.”

Rebecca whines again, then, “thank you for taking me home.”

“Don’t thank me,” Dani smiles in spite of herself, sipping her tea and watching her friend sprawled out on the couch opposite her. “Thank Jamie. She did all the heavy lifting, I’m just the person with the spare key to your apartment.”

“Jamie was here?” Rebecca lifts the ice pack to look at Dani briefly before wincing at the shooting return of her migraine and covering her face again.

“Mhm,” Dani hums, sliding her fingers up and down the corners of her mug. 

“Did she stay?” Rebecca asks, voice muffled.

“For a bit.” Dani could barely contain her grin - remembering a half-passed out Rebecca pulling Jamie down onto the couch into a lazy cuddle and Jamie struggling to free herself until Dani finally relented and pulled her up.

“I see…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dani shoots, pulled from the thought of Jamie pressing flush against her for the briefest of seconds once she’d pulled her up, at the tone of Rebecca’s voice.

“Oh pull the other one Dani,” Rebecca scoffs.

“What’re you--”

“You know none of us care if you’re gay?” Rebecca cuts her off, lifting the ice pack from her head once more and bearing the migraine in order to gauge Dani’s expression.

Dani’s expression was - to say the least - comically horrified. “Excuse me?” 

Time itself seems to grind to a halt as Dani’s mind somersaults to try and find a way out of this conversation - it’d become very adept at working its way out of conversations after years of dealing with Eddie.

“Well why would we give a shit?” Rebecca continues, choosing to ignore the bomb she’s just dropped on Dani’s life. “Jamie’s been out as long as we’ve known her, why do you think any of us would bat an eyelid if you came out too?”

“Rebecca I’m not- I’m not _gay._ ” Dani wasn’t sure it was the truth, but she wasn’t sure it was a lie either and more importantly right now it feels like all she can say without breaking.

“Then why,” Rebecca presses, this time softer than how she’d spoken before. “Are you so obviously in love with Jamie?”

And there it is, Dani feels her world crumble around her. Years of carefully constructed walls to keep the world away from a part of herself she knew the world wouldn’t accept. Hell for years she’s watched people not accept it in Jamie - Jamie, who wears it so proudly in a way Dani could never. Years of keeping Jamie at arms length in order to keep the world at arms length just so Rebecca and her hangover could pull up with a bulldozer.

“I’m with Eddie,” is all Dani can manage right now - all she can say without crumbling completely.

“I know,” Rebecca agrees, returning her ice pack to her head. “Shouldn’t be though, and we both know it.”

Dani thinks it’s hours she sits staring at Rebecca then. Only realises it’s probably been hours when she can hear her friends gentle snores. She’s not really sure what to do next.

\--------

“Jamie here?”

“Hello to you too,” Owen greets, looking up from the sauce he was stirring. “Also how’d you get in?”

Dani shoots him a look. “Owen I’ve keys to everyone’s apartments, how do you think you all get home after nights out?”

Owen shrugs. “Always imagined Jamie dragged me in, careful to knock my head against every step on the way.”

Dani shakes her head. “Well I mean she does drag you in, and she does throw you about a bit, but she also needs me to open the door and since she’s useless at remembering her own keys…” Dani waves her spare key in the air.

“Huh.” Owen nods. “The more you know.” He returns to stirring.

“Anyway, where is Jamie?”

“Work,” Owen offers, not turning around. “Why?”

“On a Sunday?”

“On a Sunday,” Owen confirms. “Now, again, why?”

“Oh uh…” Dani wrings the back of her neck lightly. “No-no reason, I’ll uh.. I’ll get her later.”

This does cause Owen to turn. Dani always has been a shit liar.

“Dani?”

“Owen…” Dani means it as a warning, an indication that he isn’t the person Dani wants to have this conversation with.

Owen’s always cared about his friends far too much to heed those sorts of warnings though. “Why have you just barged into my apartment looking for Jamie, when you know you’ll see her later on this evening?”

“Uh…” Dani thinks that maybe if this were a movie a single tumbleweed would role past in the silence that follows.

“Well that clears that up.” Owen rolls his eyes then turns back to the cooker to turn it off. He steps across the room towards his friend, offering her a smile he hopes is reassuring. “You know I’m no Jamie, but if you want to talk to me instead I’m all ears.”

“I don’t really know…” Dani admits carefully. “What I want to talk about, that is.”

“I see,” Owen hums, taking a seat on the couch and beckoning for Dani to join him.

“I just kind of thought…” Dani crosses the room and sits next to him. “Well I thought if I saw her- if I saw Jamie I’d know what I wanted to say.”

“Right,” Owen nods, thoughtful for a second and then, “and did you have a topic in mind? Or is that just how you start every conversation?”

Dani laughs in spite of the guilt and confusion that’s been churning in her stomach since she left Rebecca’s. “No, no I- I had a topic in mind.”

“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere,” Owen encourages. “Anything you can share with me?”

Dani picks absently at a thread in the couch, feels her heart hammer against her chest. There is something she wants to ask Owen. It’s not the same conversation she wants to have with Jamie but it is something she thinks is important to gauge his opinion on. Only one problem though.

There’s no take-backs once she asks.

“Do you think I’m in love with Eddie?” She surprises even herself when it slips out, her eyes go wide and dart up to meet Owen’s.

There it is, no take-backs.

“Well…” Owen lets out a long, slow breath. “That’s a loaded question, isn’t it.”

“I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- It’s stupid,” Dani’s already waving him off - it’s too late, and she knows that, but maybe if she tries hard enough she can still pull herself back from this ledge she’s balancing on (she can’t).

“It’s not a stupid question Dani…” Owen’s looking at her so softly it makes her want to cry. “Just not a question I was expecting to have to field today. You want my opinion though?”

Dani just nods, she thinks the lump in her throat is a good enough indication that she’s not capable of much more right now.

“I think,” Owen starts carefully, and now it’s his turn to pick at the loose threads in the couch, although he doesn’t break eye contact. “That you have a love for Eddie. A deep love. The sort of love a person has when they’ve known someone most of their life and they can’t really make sense of their world without that other person in it in some capacity.”

“Oh…” And Dani’s not sure why Owen’s reassurance disappoints her so much but her head drops anyway.

This should be exactly what she wants to hear - that she does love Eddie, that everything Rebecca had said to her and all the feelings she’s been pushing down for so long are things that will pass, things that she just needs to learn to forget. Instead the guilt and confusion just twist deeper in her gut until she thinks she might vomit.

“I don’t think you’re in love with him though.”

Dani’s eyes dart up, studying Owen for even the slightest indication that he’s teasing or lying or maybe just saying that last part to gauge her reaction. He’s not doing any of those things though, just looking at her, sincere as ever.

“You don’t?”

“I don’t.”

“Do you…” Dani clears her throat, pushes down the lump threatening to choke her. “Do you think I’m in love with anyone?” Her heart is threatening to rip out through her rib cage but she has to know.

She has to hear it confirmed at least once more before she can even begin to decide what to do.

“God I hope so,” Owen offers, smiling now in spite of himself. “I really do hope so.”

“I don’t understand?”

Owen shoots her a puzzling look. “Yes you do Dani. You’ve understood for years, just not been ready to admit to it. Just promise me you won’t break her heart once you do figure it all out, yeah?”

Dani nods, not entirely sure of the promise she’s making. She is sure of one thing though, she’s not going to break it.

\---------------

“Becca?” Jamie calls, pushing into her friend's apartment. “It’s Jamie.”

No answer. Jamie throws Rebecca’s handbag from the night before down on the table in the entry hall and steps in further to the room, wiping her boots as she goes so as not to track in any loose soil. She follows the sound of quiet music from Rebecca’s room, rapping her knuckles lightly on the door frame.

“Becca?”

“Huh?” A dull thud from inside. “Who’s there?”

“Eh, it’s Jamie love, I just wanted to drop off some bits you forgot at the bar last night.”

The door opens just a crack and Rebecca sticks her head out, her eyes wide and frantic. “Jamie!” She grabs her and pulls Jamie haphazardly into her bedroom. “I missed you!”

Jamie eyes the room carefully - curtains still drawn, bed unmade and days worth of clothes and work papers littering the floor. There is one clean space though. The coffee table, presumably dragged in from the other room. And on it--

“Becca…” Jamie starts, eyes still lingering on the vile of white powder, the neatly rolled bank note, and the credit card all offset against the chipped wood of the table.

“Hey thanks for bringing my stuff back, gonna need it for tonight, and it’s my favourite purse,” Rebecca was rambling, only half focusing on Jamie in the room with her as she flits about looking for something. “You are going out tonight, right?”

“Rebecca,” Jamie tries again, this time firmer, her eyes trying to follow her friend's frantic footsteps around the room. “What’s going on?”

“Hm?” Rebecca meets her eye and Jamie casts a glance down at the coffee table again. “Oh that’s just,” Rebecca waves a dismissive hand. “Just a hangover cure really.”

“Becca!” Jamie’s not sure why she’s so shocked - god knows with the start in life she got she’d seen hangover cures a lot worse - still though, this was Rebecca. “A joint is a hangover cure, that’s-” she falters, then, “it’s the middle of the day Rebecca.”

“That tends to be when my hangover’s at its worst,” Rebecca points, ignoring all the worry and panic etched on her friends face. “Listen though I’ve got some papers to look over for work before tonight so if it’s okay-” she begins to shove Jamie gently back towards her door.

“Can we talk about this?” Jamie pleads, holding Rebecca’s forearms lightly.

“Sure,” Rebecca smiles a little too wide. “Tonight, promise.”

“Becca…”

“Promise,” Rebecca reassures, pushing Jamie in earnest now. “Though I can assure you, you’ve nothing to worry about. I’m perfectly splendid.”

Then she’s pushing Jamie out her apartment door and closing it before Jamie has a chance to say another word. Jamie just stands, stares, wonders what the next logical step is when it comes to helping someone that you care about. She wasn’t used to this part - the caring part.

\-------------

“Won’t you at least try it on?” Eddie all but begs, still holding the dress out as if giving it another once over would change Dani’s mind.

“Eddie no,” Dani remains firm, remains resolutely focused on rifling through her side of the wardrobe for something she actually wanted to wear.

“But Danielle you’d look so good in it.”

“But I wouldn’t feel comfortable in it Eddie,” Dani tells him _again._

It’s a cocktail dress, crimson red and dangerously low-cut. It makes Dani’s skin crawl just thinking of the way men would leer at her if she were to walk into the bar in that dress. It charms her even less to think that the Eddie standing in front of her would probably take it as a compliment that men leered at his girlfriend.

The Eddie standing in front of her wasn’t the boy that had rushed over to help her up when she’d fallen off her bike when she was ten. He also wasn’t the boy that had awkwardly asked her to prom, or the boy that had agreed to follow her to college because her mother wouldn’t let her go half ways across the country by herself.

Dani wonders if without Rebecca and Owen how much longer it would’ve taken her to notice how far he’d drifted from the boy she’d once loved. Dani wonders if without Jamie, and her gentle touches and kind heart, whether she’d ever have noticed at all.

“You know Danielle, once we’re married you’re going to have to start wearing some of the things I pick out for you,” Eddie was saying and it pulls Dani so swiftly from her thoughts she feels almost winded.

“Excuse me?” Dani turns from her half hearted rifling and shoots Eddie a look that dares him to go on.

“Well it’s just-” He ventures carefully, aware now that he’s perhaps gone too far. “It’s just the guys in the office are always picking stuff out for their wives and--”

“Well I hate to break it to you Eddie, but I’m not the wife of one of the guys from the office,” Dani snaps. “It’s also nineteen-eighty-seven, not eighteen-eighty-seven so I think you’ll find I’m perfectly capable of making my own autonomous choice on what to wear.”

“Okay, okay, Danielle I’m sorry I--”

“God,” Dani sighs, running her hand through her hair, not fully aware she was still speaking out loud. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Jeez, okay, I’ll not mention the dress again.” Eddie smiles at her, a smile something akin to one she remembers from when they were kids. “Promise.”

Dani smiles back. The moment of anger is gone and she knows she’s not brave enough to tell him she wasn’t talking about the dress.

\------------

“Hey,” Dani greets Jamie in a rush as soon as the brunette steps into The Manor, barely allowing her a second to dust the rain droplets off her collar. “I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah,” Jamie agrees, eyes wider than Dani was expecting when she looks up. “We do.”

“Okay good, I mean wait- what?” Dani feels herself flush. “What do you want to talk to me about?” 

Did Jamie know? Had Owen told her before Dani even had a chance to get the thoughts straight in her head?

“Rebecca.” Jamie shoots her a look, eyebrow quirked. “Why, what do you want to talk about?”

“Uh… same.” She thinks Jamie can tell that she’s lying, though whatever’s on the brunette’s mind is enough that she doesn’t question the half hearted response.

“Is she here?” Jamie glances around the bar quickly, uncharacteristically packed for a Sunday night.

“Who?”

“Becca,” Jamie reminds her, clearly exasperated, then, “you alright Poppins? You seem a little rattled?”

“Yea I just...” Dani shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Hey,” Jamie grabs her wrists and gently tugs her closer, their proximity forcing Dani to look up and meet her eye. “You can tell me you know? If there’s something up you can tell me?”

And Dani feels like the entire planet stops moving beneath her feet. It could be now. She could tell Jamie right now all the things that she’s thinking, all the things that’ve been threatening to spill over every time she’s looked at Jamie for the past four years. All the things she’s kept locked behind her carefully constructed wall because she knows as soon as it starts spilling it won’t stop.

Three simple words she could whisper like a promise, a reassurance, an understanding that everything else in her life until right now has just been background noise. A long drawn-out set up leading her to this moment, at the door of The Manor, with her hands grasped in Jamie’s and her heart sitting in her throat.

Suddenly it all feels so simple. Right now, in this moment, all the shit she’s spent her life worrying about suddenly seems so simple. How could anything else matter as long as Jamie always holds her this close?

“Jamie I--”

Then the door blows open and Rebecca struts in and Dani’s world starts spinning again, although it seems to be moving a lot faster than it had before.

“Ladies!” Rebecca drawls, pulling Dani and Jamie into a hug. “We ready to have some fun?” She asks, leaning back to eye them both seriously. 

“It’s a Sunday Becca.” Dani tries to wriggle free from her friend's taut arm. “We all have work tomorrow. I’m starting a new job tomorrow.”

“Exxxactly!” Rebecca draws out the word, shaking Dani a little. “We need to celebrate. First round on me?”

Then she’s pulling Dani towards the bar and all Dani can do is glance back at Jamie, still standing in the doorway, her face torn somewhere between concern and confusion.

\---------

“So listen, Hannah said she’d be here at nine, which means she’ll be here soon, which means you have to tell me if I smell weird or have something stuck in my teeth like right now.” Owen pats himself down once more for good measure, carefully smoothing out the imaginary wrinkles in his shirt.

“Mhm…” Is all Jamie manages in response, her eyes still trained across the room where Dani and Rebecca are sitting with Eddie. Where Dani’s staring off into space as Eddie and Rebecca speak.

Owen looks at her, then looks at where she’s looking, then rolls his eyes. “And anyway, as I was saying, I don’t think I’ll be getting the sous chef job because I gave food poisoning to five separate people today. Think one of them’s gonna sue. The other’s are in hospital so I suppose there’s not much they can--”

“Wait, what?” Jamie’s head snaps back to him.

Owen grins. “In a world of our own are we?” He tilts his head to where Jamie had just been looking.

“Oh…” Jamie follows his train of thought. “Yea, but not for that reason.” She considers it for a second. “At least not entirely for that reason.”

“Oh?” Owen can’t help himself - never could if he was honest, not when it came to his friends. “You know I was talking to her earlier?”

“Who, Becca?”

Owen just stares for a long moment, then, “okay is this your way of telling me you’ve a crush on Becca now too because honestly I’m confused?”

“What?” Jamie stares at him dumbly. “What’re you- oh you were talking to Dani. No, no I’m thinking about Becca- not- not in that way. I just- there’s just something seriously wrong with her I think.” Jamie’s thoughts and her conversation with Owen catch up all at once and the entire thing comes out in a jumble.

“Listen Jamie, I know you’re worried but--” Owen stops abruptly. “Oh god she’s here.”

Jamie turns in her seat at the same second Owen stands awkwardly from his own, banging his knee against the table before stepping out round it and towards the woman smiling at him from the doorway. She waves at Jamie, and Jamie waves back.

“Good luck,” she shouts after Owen, smiling when he turns back to glare at her.

At least someone in their group seemed to be figuring out their life in the easiest way possible - get a job and fall in love with your boss.

\-----------

“They’re cute, aren’t they?” Dani hums, her shoulder bumping lightly against Jamie’s now that they’re squeezed together in the back of a booth.

She’s tilting her head across the table to Hannah and Owen, both completely wrapped up in one another, unaware of the conversation going on around them.

“Sickeningly so,” Jamie confirms, although she can’t help but smile.

Dani reaches out and grabs Jamie’s wrist, pushing two fingers against her pulse point. “Huh.”

“What?” Jamie rolls her eyes, bracing herself for whatever Dani says next.

“Just didn’t expect someone so heartless to have a heartbeat is all,” Dani teases, and Jamie’s heart soars at the way her tongue pokes out from behind her teeth, particularly proud of herself for the comment.

“You…” Jamie retracts her hand slowly, her voice soft and playful. “Are an idiot.”

Dani smiles and her eyelids flutter, and if she chances a glance at Jamie’s lips then so be it. That’s all it was, a glance.

“Hey babe, I’ll be right back…” Eddie’s leaning in then, only quick enough to mutter the comment before he’s up and weaving through the crowd.

Dani barely pays him any heed. Quite enjoys the empty space he leaves next to her if she’s honest. Although his comment does pull her away from any thoughts of Jamie’s lips.

“You said you wanted to talk to me about Becca earlier?” She asks instead, making no effort to move away from Jamie’s side even though the entire left side of the booth has now freed up.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jamie huffs out a sigh. “Listen I’m not one to beat around the bush so long story short I found drugs, uh, coke-cocaine to be exact, in her room earlier today when I went by to drop some of her stuff off.”

“Oh…” The colour drains from Dani’s face. “Oh… I didn’t- I don’t know what to say? Is that bad? That I don’t know what to say?”

Jamie shakes her head. “Probably normal if I’m honest.” She puts a hand on Dani’s knee. “Listen I don’t know how worried we need to be, I mean it may not even be--”

A shrill static screech cuts off her sentence, then the sound of a finger tapping into a mic rings out through the bar. “Is this thing on? Oh! Oh gosh yea, it’s on.”

And there’s Eddie, standing on the make-shift milk-crate stage that was tucked in the corner of the room for an occasional karaoke night, eyes searching the room to find their table.

“Jesus fucking christ…” Dani breathes, her hand finding Jamie’s on her knee and squeezing it tight.

“What’s going on?” Owen leans across the table, finally pulled away from Hannah’s eyes.

“No idea mate,” Jamie offers, only half paying attention to his question, the rest of her fully drawn in to the sensation of Dani’s hand in hers and that idiot up on stage, looking like a cat that got the cream.

“Uh Danielle…” The mic squeals again and Eddie jolts away for a second before coming back in, holding his head more at a distance this time as he continues. “Danielle if you’re still here are you okay to come up for a sec?”

And Dani knows that if this wasn’t their local, and if half the eyes in the room hadn’t immediately turned to her knowingly, that she would’ve taken that as her opportunity to run. 

She doesn’t though. She can’t. Instead she feels Jamie squeeze her hand once more and then she’s standing, her legs feeling like they’re bogged down in quick sand as she ascends through the parting crowds towards the stage.

“Danielle, c’mere,” Eddie beckons her forward, his outstretched hand clammy when Dani takes it and allows herself to be pulled up onto the stage.

She looks around the room, finds Jamie’s eyes in the crowd. See’s her frown, those little lines on her forehead like she’s trying to work out what’s happening before Eddie has time to speak again.

She’s too late though, Eddie’s already talking.

“So uh, some of you might know us,” he gestures between them and Dani thinks she’s never felt less like an ‘us’ in her entire life. “And well, myself and Danielle, we’ve been dating for six years now and uh, really I just wanted to take this opportunity, while we’re here with our friends tonight celebrating Danielle’s new job, to let you all know that this woman here,” he gestures again to Dani and she feels herself shrinking back.

She looks once more out to the room and there are Jamie’s eyes, waiting for her. Just look at Jamie, just think of Jamie, don’t let yourself be --

“Has agreed to be my wife.”

She watches the colour drain from Jamie’s face in the split second it takes her to tear her eyes away and back to Eddie. She feels her own colour draining too as she looks up at his cheshire grin.

“Excuse me?” She hears the words, pitched and panicked, squeak out over the mic.

Then Eddie’s pulling a ring from his jacket pocket, offering it to her like the final piece of a puzzle only he was working on.

“Just the formality of it to get out of the way,” he explains, eyes bright and hand pushing forward, shoving the ring into Dani’s palm. “Danielle Clayton, will you officially do me the honour of--”

“Eddie no,” Dani cuts him off, the seething in her tone taking her by surprise. “I’m not going to marry you. I wish you’d accept that. I wish you’d-” she casts a look out around the bar, this time deliberately avoiding Jamie’s eye. “I wish you hadn’t done this like this.”

She steps down off the milk crates and ignores Eddie’s desperate pleas into the mic. The entire room feels like it’s spinning and she’s aware every eye in the room is on her. She doesn’t care. She staggers away, feeling drunk in spite of the single pint she’d managed to drink before all this had come crashing towards her.

She looks up and there’s Jamie, standing from their table, already grabbing for Dani’s jacket and her own.

She doesn’t make it to Jamie though. Instead a weight barrels into her side. A wave of dark hair and then Dani’s slipping, arms trying desperately to catch Rebecca as she falls on top of her and takes them both to the floor.

\----------

“What time is it?” Dani asks no one in particular.

“Just gone half one,” Owen offers, swivelling his wrist out from between Hannah’s hands to check his watch.

“Okay…” Dani nods slowly then resumes her pacing.

Dani’s head jolts when the waiting room doors swing open, though it’s just Jamie, expertly juggling four coffees. “Just me Poppins.”

She doles out the coffees, taking her time to get to Dani last. Her presence stops Dani’s pacing for now at least.

“Thanks,” Dani mutters, her fingers curling around the paper cup.

“I take it no word yet then?” Jamie asks. 

Dani shakes her head no. “Eddie went to try and find someone…” she takes a sip, sighs at the bitter sting in the back of her throat. “I think he thinks he can flash them his campaign credentials and get us an update.”

Jamie shrugs. “Worth a try I suppose.” She watches Dani for a second longer then reaches out and curls her hand around the crook of Dani’s elbow. “How you holding up anyway Poppins? You’ve had quite a night.”

Dani scoffs, shakes her head. “You mean turning down a marriage proposal and then spending two hours in an ER waiting room sitting in awkward silence with the man you just rejected isn’t how you saw my night going?”

Jamie clicks her tongue against her teeth, it was a mouthful when all said at once. “No, I’ll be honest with you Poppins, it wasn’t on my bingo card for the night.”

She smiles at Dani then and Dani smiles back and for a second it doesn’t feel as though they’re standing in a hospital waiting for news on their friend. For just a second nothing really seems that heavy.

“Well at least you weren’t on a first date dear,” Hannah chimes in then and Owen sinks lower in the seat beside her, using the hand not clasped between Hannah’s own to cover his face.

“I actually think this is maybe the best I’ve seen one of Owen’s dates go if I’m honest,” Jamie teases.

Owen has a rebuttal on the tip of his tongue, though it falls dead on his lips when Eddie skids back into the room. All eyes land on him and in the second it takes him to catch his breath none of them are brave enough to ask. So they just wait.

“She’s fine,” he manages eventually, still a little out of breath from the combined elation and jogging to relay the news. “They’re keeping her in overnight but she’s going to be just fine.”

And Dani’s hugging Jamie before she has the sense to think about the fact that Eddie’s still in the room, or that they’re in public at all. She’s hugging her and burrowing her head into her shoulder and allowing the tears that’d been welling up all evening to finally fall now that she knows they’re in celebration and not heartbreak.

“Hey, hey,” Jamie runs a soothing hand up and down Dani’s back. “You’re fine. She’s fine.”

All Dani can do is nod slowly, the hand not holding her coffee fisting Jamie’s shirt, and all Jamie can do is studiously avoid eye contact with Eddie who, in spite of everything that’s happened tonight already, seems confused that it’s Jamie she’s turned to instead of him.

Then Owen’s standing too, wrapping his arms around them both and kissing their temples lightly before pushing them towards the door.

“What’re you--” Jamie starts to argue, though Owen cuts her off with a gentle shake of his head.

“It’s been a long night,” he explains softly, then, even softer, “take her home, make sure she’s okay.”

“But-” Dani raises her head slowly from Jamie’s chest. “But Becca?”

“Will be here in the morning. I’m gonna stay here all night just to make sure of it in fact,” Owen offers her one of his trademark smiles and even Jamie wants to believe him then.

“You’ve an interview tomorrow though,” she protests - she didn’t want to protest, but she knew it was polite to at least try, even as she wrapped Dani closer to her side.

“He does,” Hannah agrees, stepping up to Owen’s side. “I think he’s okay to reschedule though. His interviewer might just be doing the same.” She reaches down and pulls his hand into her own. “If he’d like the company that is?”

Owen pulls her hand up and kisses her knuckles in thanks. “I promise I won’t do that in the actual interview,” he adds then with a wink.

“You sure?” Jamie ventures one more time, giving her friend one more out.

“I’ll call security on you both if you don’t leave right now.”

Dani smiles up at him. “Thank you.” She steps away from Jamie’s embrace to give him a kiss on the cheek.

“I’m not gonna kiss you,” Jamie warns, “though I do owe you one.”

“You owe me about ten already,” Owen reminds her.

Jamie just smiles at him then and turns back towards the door, holding out her hand for Dani to take. Behind them they hear Eddie start to question why they’re leaving, maybe even calling for Dani to come back, though whatever Owen says stops him. 

Jamie lets go of Dani’s hand in favour of wrapping her arm around the blonde’s shoulder. She kisses the top of her head and they step out into the night.

\---------

“Are you sure?” Dani wrings her fingers awkwardly.

“Positive,” Jamie asserts, nudging Dani gently over the threshold into her apartment before closing the door. “Don’t really fancy the thought of you sitting in your apartment waiting for Eddie to come home after the night you’ve had already.”

“I just don’t want to intrude…” Dani smiles awkwardly at her, as if Jamie were a perfect stranger and not her best friend.

“Poppins, you’re over here every other day of the week,” Jamie reminds her with a quirk of her brow. “Everything alright?”

Dani shrugs, she could never lie to Jamie. “Just feels different tonight.”

“It’s been quite the night,” Jamie agrees, not sure she’s ready to know what Dani means, not really.

Instead she takes the blonde’s hand and leads her down the short hall to her bedroom.

“Where’re we--” Dani startles a little when she realises where she’s being led.

“Don’t worry Poppins,” Jamie grins at her over her shoulder. “Trust me when I say this wouldn’t be how I’d make my move. I just want to grab a pillow and some blankets. I’m taking the couch.”

Dani’s head swims at the mere notion that Jamie’s thought previously about how she’d make a move. She decides to focus on the latter half of the sentence for now instead.

“You’re not sleeping in your bed?”

“Thought you might like it instead,” Jamie’s explaining, dropping Dani’s hand and reaching for a chest of drawers. “Pyjamas.” She throws a pair onto her bed.

Dani sits on the edge of the mattress, her fingers toying with the elastic string of the pyjama pants next to her. She watches Jamie flit about the room, carefully collecting everything she’d need to set up her own bed.

Then Jamie’s done gathering and she’s just sort of awkwardly loitering in the doorway, neither of them sure what’s supposed to be said next, or what can be done to extend the moment beyond the endless silence they seem to have fallen into.

“Well uh,” Jamie clears her throat. “G’night then.”

“Stay.” Dani takes herself by surprise with the request, just as Jamie turns on her heel to leave. “Stay,” she repeats, softer this time because _fuck it_ why not.

Jamie doesn’t speak, just crosses the floor and sits next to Dani, their knees knocking awkwardly as she adjusts herself on the mattress.

“You wanna talk about tonight?” Jamie asks, presumes really.

“About how I just sort-of ended things with the man I thought I loved?” Dani picks absently at her nails, not really brave enough to look Jamie in the eye. “Not really.”

“Oh…” Jamie nods dumbly, trying her absolute hardest not to allow herself to get worked up at Dani’s use of the word ‘thought’. “Then uh, what do ya wanna talk about?”

Dani looks up at her then and Jamie’s heart clenches at the fear that flickers behind her lashes. “If it’s okay with you I’d like to talk about why. The reason _why_ tonight happened.”

“Dani you don’t need to ever rationalise yourself to me or--” Dani places her hand gently on Jamie’s knee and Jamie falls silent.

“I’m not trying to rationalise anything to you Jay, I do need you to know this though. I need you to know why it was I had to say no to Eddie earlier,” she explains, her eyes flickering down to her hand on Jamie’s knee as she lets out a tense breath. “Okay?”

Jamie nods once Dani looks her in the eye again. “Okay.”

“I love Eddie,” she begins then, words soft but firm. “I’ve loved him since we were ten years old. And up until recently I knew exactly what I was getting with him, y’know? It was easy, or at least I could convince myself it was easy.” She braces herself then continues. “He was nice to me, and he loved me, and I loved him, and so it was easy to pretend that I could be in love with him and it was easy to push away the voice in the back of my head that told me he’d never be enough.”

She feels a hot tear rolling down her cheek but before she can wipe it away Jamie’s finger is there in place of her own. She wipes the tear then runs her finger to the base of Dani’s skull. She cups it gently with her palm, combing her fingers through her hair. She nods for her to continue.

“And part of me always knew that he wouldn’t be enough but it wasn’t until- until I met you.” She feels like her heart is caught in her throat again, threatening to jump out and offer itself to Jamie right then and there - she presses on. “I knew then what enough might feel like. I knew then that _enough_ wasn’t even a word I could really use to describe it because it doesn’t feel like _enough_ when I’m around you. It feels like I’m overflowing. To be honest it scared me Jay. All this -” she gestures at nothing and at everything - “fullness, all these emotions, they scared me for a long time because I know what happens to people like me, like us, when we show those emotions, those feelings.”

“And now?” Jamie’s voice was barely above a whisper though she knew Dani heard her, knew Dani always heard her.

“And now I know I love you,” Dani confesses simply, plainly. “That I’m in love with you, and that I think you love me the same, and the rest is just--”

Jamie kisses her before she has a chance to finish speaking - short and clumsy and she’s pulling back already before Dani’s even really has time to process. “Sorry,” she offers, though her hand doesn’t move from the base of Dani’s skull and Dani’s hand doesn’t move from her knee.

“No you’re not,” Dani’s smiling, and something like a flame licks in the base of her stomach.

“No,” Jamie agrees. “I’m not.”

This time it’s Dani who leans in, brushes her nose lightly against Jamie’s before capturing her lips. Not quick like before, this one is slow, deliberate. Her free hand grips Jamie’s waist while the brunette weaves a second hand in her hair.

Time stands still and their lips move together, and exploratory dance, all poise and co-ordination until Dani’s tongue tickles lightly against Jamie’s bottom lip, seeking permission. Then it’s all over.

\-------

“Jamie,” Dani whines, her body writhing, desperately seeking friction.

“Mm,” Jamie runs her tongue along Dani’s jaw, kisses her softly where it meets her ear.

“P-Please Jamie,” Dani’s hips jolt and are met with nothing but thin air and the ghost of where Jamie’s thigh sat moments ago.

“Please what?” Jamie breathes the sentence against the shell of her ear and it sends a shudder down her spine. “I want to hear you say it Dani.”

“Please Jamie…” she gasps, fingers running desperate lengths along the brunette’s back. “I need you to fuck me.”

Jamie feels a hot throb between her legs and she releases a shaky breath against Dani’s neck. She kisses her way back around to Dani’s mouth and at the same time repositions herself. She slides her fingers down Dani’s stomach, careful to distract her as much as possible from the motion with hot kisses until her fingers are tickling at her groin.

Dani’s hips buckle up.

“Tell me if this is okay, yeah?” Jamie encourages.

Dani’s already grabbing at her wrist though, pushing it lower. “Touch me.”

Jamie doesn’t need to be told twice. She slides her fingers between pooling heat and --

“Fuck Dani, you’re so wet baby.”

“For you,” Dani just about manages, now that Jamie’s fingers have started lazy rotations where Dani wants them most. “Jamie oh god…”

Dani’s hips rock up to meet Jamie’s fingers, circling her clit slowly, deliberately. She pulls Jamie down messily for a kiss, urgent and sloppy while she whimpers against her lips. Jamie pulls her lips away to kiss at her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, loving the way Dani’s breathy mews of pleasure fill up the four walls of her room.

“More,” Dani croaks eventually, her head thrown back against the pillow, her hips grinding obscenely against Jamie’s fingers. “Please Jay…”

It’s like a prayer, so soft yet so desperate. Jamie kisses her way back to Dani’s lips then hovers over her. She watches for any signs of discomfort as she slides two fingers inside her slowly.

She’s not prepared for the way Dani’s pupils blow out in pleasure, or the filthy sound that rumbles up from the back of her throat as her lips fall open at the new sensation. She’s even less prepared for the way Dani grinds down against her fingers before she’s even had a second to adjust, to find a rhythm.

She catches up quickly though.

Then it’s almost over before it’s even started. She’s already walked Dani so close to the edge it only takes a few careful curls and thrusts before the blonde is clenching around her, eyes screwed shut and Jamie’s name on her lips like a prayer, like a promise.

\-----------

Time passes by itself. Empires crumble and glaciers dissolve, stars flicker and burn out, and out in the glorious plains of mother earth young love blossoms and transforms.

At least that’s what it feels like, or at least Jamie thinks that must be what’s going on when she finally falls back into her pillow and Dani crawls up from between her legs. She’s licking her lips, equal parts proud and profoundly turned on by what she’s just accomplished.

(She should be).

She nestles in Jamie’s arms, kisses her softly, and Jamie thinks she’ll never get sick of tasting herself on Dani’s lips.

“It’s almost morning,” Dani points after a sleepy moment, looking over Jamie’s shoulder and out the bedroom window.

Jamie tilts to watch the rising sun. “So it is.” She turns back and kisses Dani’s temple. “You’ve your first day of work today.”

Dani hums in agreement. “Not until twelve though, I’m just getting introduced to everyone and shown around the classroom. Teaching starts tomorrow.”

“How about you call in sick then?” Jamie’s only half teasing and Dani knows it.

“Oh really, call in sick on my first day? You think that’d go down well, do you?” Dani props herself up on her elbow to look down at Jamie, clearly bemused.

Jamie shrugs. “You could call in and tell the truth then?”

Dani snorts. “What, that my best friend almost died from a drug overdose on the same night I decided to break things off with my longterm boyfriend because I discovered I was gay and that I wanted to shack up with my girlfriend, so if they don’t mind I’d like today to rest? That truth?”

Jamie grins at her dumbly. “Did you just call me your girlfriend?”

Dani rolls her eyes. “That’s what you took from that?”

Jamie considers it for a second. “Uh, mostly, yeah,” she concludes eventually. “I do also know that since my attempt to get you to pull a sickie has clearly failed, we only have a few more hours before you’ve got to get up and ready.”

She runs her hand up over Dani’s rib cage.

“Oh yea?” Dani pulls her lower lip between her teeth trying to hide her smile. “What do you suggest we do?”

Jamie shrugs. “I can think of one or two things.”

\----------

“Don’t stop baby,” Dani groans, hands clasped in Jamie’s hair as brunette locks bobbed between her legs. “Please don-t s-st- oh…”

“Jamie?!”

Jamie’s head jolts from between Dani’s legs at the same moment Dani grabs for the blankets that had long since bunched to one side of the small double mattress.

“Jamie, you home?” Eddie calls again, and Jamie’s already scrambling to grab her nightgown off the hook on the back of her door when she answers.

“Yeah I uh- two secs, uh- two seconds there Eddie,” she half shouts through the door, struggling to find the second arm.

She looks back at Dani, who looks shell-shocked, the blankets grasped around her shoulders, covering as much of herself as possible. She just offers Jamie a worried look before Jamie turns back to the door and pulls it open just a fraction of an inch.

She pokes her head out and there’s Eddie, standing in the middle of her hall.

“What can I do for ya Eddie?” She clears her throat, tries to sound as neutral as possible.

“I fucked it with her, didn’t I?” He offers sadly, shoulders slumping as he speaks. “I fucked things up with Danielle.”

“Oh uh, listen… Eddie…” Jamie casts an awkward glance back into her room where Dani’s expression is oddly unreadable.

“I just thought if she saw the ring she’d want it, y’know?” He goes on, not really paying attention to her stuttering. “But I guess I miscalculated, I don’t know, and you-” he turned to her then, eyes wide - “you’re her best friend. So I just thought- and then I was at home and I saw your spare key in one of Danielle’s drawers and I just thought... You must know if there’s something I can do or-or--”

“Listen, Eddie,” Jamie tries again, shuffling out of her room, careful to shut the door behind her. “I know you’re hurting mate but...” she casts an awkward glance back at her bedroom door.

“Oh…” Realisation dawns on Eddie slowly then all at once. “Is there…” he points to the door.

Jamie nods. “Uh yeah, yeah there’s um-” She runs a shaky hand through her hair - years of bluffing her way out of trouble and the one time it really mattered all she could do was trip over half a sentence.

“Right okay, cool. Uh who--” He shakes his head. “None of my business,” he glances up at her, grinning. “Is it the nurse? The cute one that helped you with the coffee’s last night? Is it her?”

“Listen Eddie…” Jamie takes a few steps towards him. “I know you’re hurting mate but I’m maybe not the best person to--”

“Eddie…”

Jamie’s head snaps round at the sound of Dani’s voice, then her jaw hangs on hinges at the sight of her in nothing but one of Jamie’s oversized flannels - now was not the time to be getting turned on.

“Danielle?” 

Then Jamie remembers who she’s standing next to and her eyes snap back to Eddie. She watches as the gears in his brain turn slowly towards a conclusion, as he pieces together Jamie’s awkward rambling and Dani’s state of undress. Jamie takes an anticipatory step back - better safe than with a black eye to nurse was her motto.

“Jamie…” Eddie turns to her now and Jamie sort of feels like she’s trapped in a much more ominous iteration of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

“Eddie don’t be mad,” Dani’s plea is soft, and she takes a few steps forward. “I didn’t want you to find out like this. I didn’t want to--”

“To what?” Eddie snaps. “To hurt me? To cheat on me? To humiliate me in a bar full of people that know me?”

Tears brim in Dani’s eyes and she shakes her head slowly. “Sure, yes, all of those things,” she agrees. “But I also didn’t want to lose you.”

“Are you serious?” Eddie’s laughing now, though he doesn’t sound amused. “Lose me, Danielle? What the hell is this supposed to be if not an attempt at shaking me off?”

“This…” Dani glances to Jamie, then back to Eddie. “This is right. And not how I wanted you to find any of this out,” she adds hastily. “But it’s right. This is who I am and as much as I loved you, as much as I still love you and as much as I wanted to love you in the same way you loved me I just…” she falters, lets a tear roll down her cheek. “I just couldn’t Eddie… I couldn’t be that for you.”

“But you can be that for her?” He asks after a silence that seems to stretch out into millennia. “You can be that for Jamie?”

Dani sniffles, then shrugs. “It’s all I know how to be for her,” she admits then, chancing another glance at Jamie.

Jamie, who just smiles, afraid if she does anything else Eddie will hit her.

“That’s it then, isn’t it?” Eddie throws his arms up in defeat.

Dani nods. “I think so.”

Eddie nods as well then, mulling it over carefully before speaking again. “I hope you’re happy Danielle. I really do hope that for you.” He glances at Jamie then, still looking as if he were toying with the idea of hitting her until he finally speaks. “You’ll love her properly, won’t you?”

Jamie nods without hesitation. “Every day for the rest of my life mate.”

“Yea,” Eddie sighs. “Thought so.”

Then he’s gone, pulling the apartment door shut behind him, just as Jamie pulls Dani towards her, cradling her gently as she mourns.

\---------

“Becca, how many more fuckin’ boxes you got down there?” Jamie huffs, dropping another one on the kitchen counter.

“Uh, do you want me to answer that honestly?” Rebecca asks, carting a (much smaller) box of her own in the door of her new (much smaller) apartment.

“You know what, just forget I asked,” Jamie huffs.

“Oh god you didn’t tell her how many boxes were still down there, did you?” Dani asks, having caught the tail end of the conversation.

“Okay seriously guys,” Jamie looks incredulously between the two. “How many boxes are there?”

Dani plants a soft kiss on the tip of her nose then shrugs. “Beats me, you might need to go down there and count them.” A pause, then, “there’s actually a box of books down there you could take up while you’re at it.”

“Isn’t the point of you moving out of an apartment you can’t afford that you downsize while you’re at it?” Jamie whines, just as Rebecca chances a laugh.

“Hey, I need my books!” Rebecca counters. “I’m a recently suspended-from-my-job-recovering-coke-addict, what the hell else am I gonna do to pass the time?”

“Okay, well where’s Owen then?” Jamie tries again. “Shouldn’t he be doing the heavy lifting?”

“Oh, there’s the feminist I fell in love with,” Dani drolls. 

“Yea well big respect to those who came before us and all but my back’s killing me,” Jamie huffs. “I’m going to find Owen.”

“You called?” Owen offers her a comical bow as he steps into the apartment with Hannah.

“Okay, how come they don’t have boxes?” Jamie points between the pair, eyes darting frantically between Dani and Rebecca.

“There’s no more boxes down there?” Hannah shoots her a puzzled glance. “I mean you’re more than welcome to take these ones back down once we have them empty--”

“You…” Jamie jabs an accusatory finger in Dani’s direction.

“It was Becca’s idea!” Dani crumbles immediately under her girlfriend’s stare, and lets out a shriek of laughter when Jamie lunges at her. “Jay no…” Dani warns.

“You lied to me Poppins,” Jamie reminds her, bracing herself for her next attack. “Now I tickle you. Fair’s fair.”

“These are the people that have the audacity to call us insufferable?” Hannah raises her eyebrows at Owen.

“Suppose they’ve licence to throw the term around when it’s their will-they-wont-they relationship that created the very notion of being insufferable,” Owen muses.

“You’re an ass,” Jamie tells him, her gripe with Dani now forgotten.

“I know,” Owen agrees, smiling then. “I did order us all pizza’s on the way up the stairs though if that makes up for it in any way?”

Jamie rolls her eyes and smiles in spite of herself. “I suppose an allowance can be made.”

“You’re a firm but fair leader,” Dani whispers in her ear as she passes then, lingering just long enough to press her lips into the skin right behind her earlobe.

Jamie shudders and takes her hand, allowing her girlfriend to lead her over to join their friends on the couch.

\---------

They don’t all fit on the couch, not really. Instead Dani sits with Jamie on the floor between her legs and Rebecca lies next to her, with Owen and Hannah across from them on the floor.

The pizza’s long gone. Dani’s certain she saw Jamie eat a single slice in two bites, although the brunette denied it at the time.

She leans forward and presses a careful kiss into Jamie’s hairline, only half listening to the conversation going on between Rebecca, Owen and Hannah.

Jamie tilts her head back and smiles up at Dani. “What was that for?”

Dani shrugs. “Just happy.”

Jamie hums and reaches her hand up to lace her fingers through Dani’s own. “Me too,” she mutters, letting her cheek rest against Dani’s knee.

Dani sighs and leans back into the couch. She lets her thumb brush over Jamie’s knuckles and laughs at one of Owens' puns. Laughs even harder at the way Hannah groans as if she hates it but smiles at him anyway.

She glances across at Rebecca, catches her smiling back at her, and she reaches out to pat her shin. Rebecca nods, knowingly, and turns her attention back to Owens' story.

Dani sighs again. Those walls she’d built were beginning to look an awful lot like a home.

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I should say that if you do ever intend to do cocaine please don't mix it with alcohol. Also always, always, do it (and all other drugs) around people that you know will take care of you if things go tits up (also good to have a sober friend). Better yet don't do drugs! That's also a really solid option - and I promise no one judges you for it. Drugs are very expensive, people are generally very pleased when they don't have to share their drugs.
> 
> Anyway, if you liked this let me know. I'm (hopefully) going home for Christmas in a few weeks and since I live in a country still in the middle of a lockdown chances are I'll have nothing to do but write stuff like this for two weeks


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